Living... not just existing

This week I've thought I couldn't post anything. How could I write about happiness if inside my heart was crying? I've had some struggles and a great loss in my family. My uncle has passed away after suffering from a heart attack. He would get married in 3 months, that was his dream.

Why? I thought. What does that mean? I knew there was something else to learn from that. I believe it always has, although many times we don't see. This questions ended up as I read an e-mail that showed me the difference from living and existing.

"The last day"

That was his last day, but he didn't know. In that morning, he wanted to stay in bed a little longer. He was tired and hasn't had a good night of sleep. He gave up the idea, thinking of how many things he should do at the office. He got ready automatically, paying no attention to his exausted semblant, result of so many nights without sleep. He had his coffee in a hurry and left, wishing a good morning that couldn't convince even himself. He disconsidered his wife's lips, who offered a kiss of good-bye. He couldn't understand why she complained so much about his absence, since he was being able to mantain a high standard of life for his family.

In the car he called his daugther. He smiled as she told him his great son has given his first steps. He became serious again as she reminded him that for long time he hasn't showed up to see his great son. She invited him for lunch, but he refused. He would love to see them, but that day he couldn't be absent from the company. Maybe next weekend, he thought.

He arrived at the office and badly said hi to his co-workers. He was full of compromises so decided to start right away. For lunch, he had a sandwich and a diet soda that he asked to his secretary to buy. His colesterol has high; he needed a check-up but that would be for the next month. He ate it fast while reading some papers he would use in the afternoon meeting. He felt dizzy and remembered of his doctor warning, but thought it was temporary, needing only a strong coffee without sugar.

After lunch, he continued his work. More papers to read, more decisions to make, more compromises. Leaving late for a meeting he decided not to wait for the elevator. He ran down the stairs, got into the car and felt dizzy again, but also felt a strong pain in his heart.

He became out of breath... the pain increased... everything disappeared from his eyes as he started seeing scenes of a film he knew very well... his wife, great son, daughter, and all people he liked most. Why didn't he have lunch with his daugther and great son? What did his wife say while he was leaving the house this morning? The pain has continued but now he felt a greater one: the repentance.

He heard the noise of something breaking inside his heart and his eyes cried silent tears. He wanted to live, to have another chance, he wanted to go back home and kiss his wife, hug his daugther, play with his great son... He wanted but there was no more time.

Many people live as if they would never die and die without living. May we never forget the real meaning of life.